Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it

My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.