I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability.

I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.