I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.

What do they call that hat Jewish guys always wear? A Yankees cap.