Childhood obesity affects all pedophiles.

What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.

About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, 'Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?

Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.

I tell very mean jokes.

I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.

It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.