Childhood obesity affects all pedophiles.

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.

The opposite of sad is down's syndrome.

One of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed themselves, or making a joke about some horrible tragedy - I love being able to fight for and get on TV. I just think it's so different.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.