Silence means they [the audience] are paying attention. Even if I drop bombs and they're dead quiet, it's still okay. If they start talking, that's when you've lost them.

I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.

You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.

I always loved comedy, but it never seemed like something that I could do professionally.

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?