With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.

Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.

I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

My first time on stage was the class "graduation" at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.