I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.

Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.

Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.