I would never hit a woman - even if she had a knife or a stutter.
You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.
You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.