My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.

I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve seen feels like I’m watching a third tower collapse.

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

I don't have much racial stuff in my act. And no one's ever really threatened me to my face. Threats on the internet don't bother me so much.

You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.