The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about.

I can stand by a tweet. But Comedy Central said they couldn't publicly support me, unless I deleted it. I wasn't about to tell the people who work for me that they didn't have jobs anymore because I wasn't going to delete a stupid tweet.

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.

I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.