I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.
Anthony JeselnikI will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
Anthony JeselnikMy girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
Anthony JeselnikShe got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'
Anthony Jeselnik