The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.

I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.

The world is full of horrible things.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.