I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That's all any of us can hope for.

I can wholeheartedly apologize for not being at all sorry. And it really is the least I can do.

I had a migraine for about seven or eight straight days, and I was unable to sleep most nights.

My bedspread isn't washable. Since my bedding has to be washed every day, I'll have to throw it out.

I have found that many other countries will buy off on anything American. As much as they hate us, they want to be us more than anything.

I'd like to run for office someday, but I'm afraid my ability to spell might give me an unfair advantage.

Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven.