The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two. Consequently every big story gets the same play and comes across to the viewer as a really big, scary one.

I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.