If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it
I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.