If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.