On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it