The best things in life aren't things.

Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it-- but when they get a bad review they never forget it. Every writer I know is the same way: you get a hundred good reviews, and one bad, andyou remember only the bad. For years, you go on and fantasize about the reviewer who didn't like your book; you imagine him as a jerk, a wife-beater, a real ogre. And, in the meantime, the reviewer has forgotten all about the whole thing. But, twenty years later, the writer still remembers that one bad review.

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies

A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.