We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two. Consequently every big story gets the same play and comes across to the viewer as a really big, scary one.

New York was the glamorous town that you only see now in old movies and on Broadway stages. The sky was lit up with dancing neon signs. It was safe to walk out in the streets.

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even