Ascot is so exclusive that it is the only racecourse in the world where the horses own the people.

The best things in life aren't things.

On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.