As my good friend Al Capp told me a few years ago, the best thing to do with a confirmed [hotel] reservation slip when you have no room is to spread it out on the sidewalk in front of the hotel and go to sleep on it. You'll either embarrass the hotel into giving you a room or you'll be hauled off to the local jug, where at least you'll have a roof over your head.

New York was the glamorous town that you only see now in old movies and on Broadway stages. The sky was lit up with dancing neon signs. It was safe to walk out in the streets.

The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.