I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man does not drive, there is something wrong with him.

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies

No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.

I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two. Consequently every big story gets the same play and comes across to the viewer as a really big, scary one.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.