I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.

Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.