I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

I earned my stripes as a Marine, and the Corps gets full credit for straightening me out. At 17, I was young, I was unhappy and most of all, I was undisciplined. The Marine Corps was the right service in the right place at the right time.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.