I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

I earned my stripes as a Marine, and the Corps gets full credit for straightening me out. At 17, I was young, I was unhappy and most of all, I was undisciplined. The Marine Corps was the right service in the right place at the right time.

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.