I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

As my good friend Al Capp told me a few years ago, the best thing to do with a confirmed [hotel] reservation slip when you have no room is to spread it out on the sidewalk in front of the hotel and go to sleep on it. You'll either embarrass the hotel into giving you a room or you'll be hauled off to the local jug, where at least you'll have a roof over your head.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.