I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.