The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

The best things in life aren't things.

New York was the glamorous town that you only see now in old movies and on Broadway stages. The sky was lit up with dancing neon signs. It was safe to walk out in the streets.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week