I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.

The things that matter most are not things.

I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.

War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.