I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough.

It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?

Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.