Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?

Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.

I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.

Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?

It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.

I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero.

Really good comedians, you know, when they go on stage, they don't really care what the audience - they're fearless, you know? They're so comfortable that they don't care. They don't have that neediness where they need the laughs.