I live in L.A., I go on tour all the time, I'm in New York half the year - it's very hard to be in a relationship.

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.

We've always been divided by some of these big political issues. It's fine. As long as we treat each other with respect and remember that ultimately, we're all Americans, we'll be fine.

I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.

Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.

Everyone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.