Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.

I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.

I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.

This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.

Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.