I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.

This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.

I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.

If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.

I think absurdist humor is funny.

Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.

Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you just discovered that you really enjoy.