I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.

You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.

I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.

I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room.

I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.

I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.

The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'