I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.