I know when someone that's not you tries to tell your story, especially when you don't look like the person whose story you're trying to tell, you're going to screw it up. And the only way to get it right is to have them be as involved as possible.

I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.

Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.

At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man.