For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.

I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.

Come cook food with me and do nothing.

Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the world.

You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.