Every woman dreams of love. When she is young she prays she will find it. When she is middle aged she hopes for it and when she is old she remembers it.

A woman should say: 'Have I made him happy? Is he satisfied? Does he love me more than he loved me before? Is he likely to go to bed with another woman?' If he does, then it's the wife's fault because she is not trying to make him happy.

The reason why Englishmen are the best husbands in the world is because they want to be faithful. A Frenchman or an Italian will wake up in the morning and wonder what girl he will meet. An Englishman wakes up and wonders what the cricket score is.

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.

People don't roll around naked in my books. I do allow them to go to bed if they're married, but it's all very wonderful and the moon beams.

When you get past fifty, you have to decide whether to keep your face or your figure. I kept my face.

I always wear boot polish on my eyelashes, because I am a very emotional person and it doesn't run when I cry.