Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.

I drift along, thinking about the past a great deal. The past is so reliable, so delightful, and the best place to live. I end up there quite often, you know; it's very comfortable and dependable.

Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.

I like people who are slightly unhygienic. A little grubbiness isn't so bad. BO chic it should be called.

If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century.

I've decided the secret of parenting is benevolent neglect.I put my family last. Because if you don't, if you put them first, they never thank you. You'll never get a word of thanks from them.

There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.