I have outlived most of my more athletic contemporaries who jogged, golfed and squashed themselves into coronary occlusion.

Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.

My parents were very pleased that I was in the army. The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more.

Sport is a loathsome and dangerous pursuit.

New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.

There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.

I love Australia - I think.