On the plus side, there were no rioters in sight but on the minus side this was probably because everywhere I looked was on fire.

Carved above the lintel were the words SCIENTIA POTESTAS EST. Science points east, I wondered? Science is portentous, yes? Science protests too much. Scientific potatoes rule. Had I stumbled on the lair of dangerous plant geneticists?

The motto of West African cooking is that if the food doesn't set fire to the tablecloth the cook is being stingy with the pepper.

This is your brain on magic.

Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale - to the Jag mobile.

The Metropolitan Police Service is still, despite what people think, a working-class organisation and as such rejects totally the notion of an officer class. That is why every newly minted constable, regardless of their educational background, has to spend a two-year probationary period as an ordinary plod on the streets. This is because nothing builds character like being abused, spat at and vomited by members of the public.

For a terrifying moment I thought he was going to hug me, but fortunately we both remembered we were English just in time. Still, it was a close call.