I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"

Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

This shed does not contain me.