I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"

I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.