I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.

Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.

There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.

There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'