Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that.

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.

If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.