I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.

Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I'm yelling?

Ric Flair was so big I heard about him. I've read his autobiography and all that. He's huge.

There's a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.

I don't mind it. I just space it out. Every other week I go out. I used to get some time to myself but I've been pretty busy lately. But I've had it the other way, where I'm staring at the phone waiting for it to ring, so this is definitely better.

You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... 'The Thing That Shouldn't Be'. 'The Chair That Wasn't There', you know?