On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.

All around the United States of America - in the cities and the counties - our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.

Old is always fifteen years from now.