As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it - to me that's weird.

It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar.

Our children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It's on the buses and in the subway. Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening.

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.

We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

We're not raising children with the love that we need to.