I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids.

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.