What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what you're saying carries through.

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way.

Grandparents are God's gifts to children.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.