The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards.

We parents ask dumb questions, therefore we get dumb answers.

On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.