Never say [to younger people] "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!

You can't be everything to everyone

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now.

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head.

Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.