Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline.

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

Gray hair is God's graffiti.