Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

I'm going out... because I deserve to go out! And I'm going to get drunk... because I deserve to get drunk! And get out of my way!

You know my father's favorite game? Come here and pull my finger.

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.