And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

We’ve got to get the gun out of the hands of people who are supposed to be on neighborhood watch.

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing.