There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get.

When I decided that I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a school teacher for 7th and 8th grade boys because I felt that was an important time for them. I had gone astray at that point in my life and really wanted to help keep them from making the same mistake I had made.

Have you ever had a cookie? Then you won't get any here either.

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.